The Moment You Open Your Two Lips; Proclamations, Reclamation's, Declarations & Emancipation's of My Life.

December 28, 2019

"You are who you are no matter what people say or do."

 

I can hardly comprehend someone not understanding my behavior, action and speech not being an indication of me simply stating that I will not be taking directions from someone who makes decisions about hair length and fails to moisturize their scalp when this is imperative to do. I am a person who seeks to use the access from fights of my ancestors, mentors and those who came before me. I ride the bus like Rosa, I sew like Betsy and I practice minimalism, self-care and negotiating what is on my plate in a world of beings who have overdone things, overlooked people and failed to understand a serious response. I live for the nights when I can smile like I am in the above picture from a night at Don Coqui with a sis of mine who is experiencing success in her life and her real one, like me. The nights where we party and bump into our peers, loved ones, boo thangs and future boo thangs. The nights where "money ain't a thing" and you can vibe with people who live this "for real, for real". Memories like these fit into the ones of me knowing to watch performances that my sister's are on production crews for and support events that they create and have dreamed of all their life to bring to fruition. There is a thing I do when people ask me on the day where there is clearly no funds about what "we" should do and show signs of anger when they realize that everything me and "mine" do is on the day it is afforded without fear. I guess I can tell a secret about the time I decided I was going to be "just like a particular someone". Noticing and learning that there can be important people around other important people, even if the roles differ. I am not ashamed of my lived experience and I blow kisses in the direction of my choosing. I understand hard work, dedication and commitment. My celebrations are on the days I have survived the backlash of people who compare my "in the middle of something" to someone else's complete that they never actually fully read through. I love without mirrors, even when they are in the world I live in. Where many people gossip and want to hear something I have said about them, I am usually busy producing, growing and thriving with anyone worth making the jokes and comments to. I celebrate over everything. I live knowing that life occurrences can change your plans and cause you to reroute. This is resolution, something like kissing in public. If you choose to continue reading this, consider this one big verb!

 

Imagine growing up in a world where people forfeit the ability to live and tell their truth. People having access to the ability to watch other people’s lives on films and always preparing for a snow storm when they live in a desert and not seeing how silly they look or why the person prepared for the sand storm is the best. My childhood starts with memories of being loved in high places and also interacting with what people call “cousins” and other “children” who have no sense of a larger reality. The days where people want explanations about why as a toddler I have been sleeping over a relative’s house where other children have seemingly left me out of something prior to my knowledge. The days that I realize that there are stories about me peeing on the bed when I was four being used to argue with why I have won, earned or been described as the best at something. This occurs to people who tend to realize that their argument against this is that they woke up in time to pee on the floor and do not understand what it is like to have diapers, pull ups and people who change you in the middle of the night. Also living in the midst of people discovering that they compare what they are doing during “playtime” while I sleep, to what I do in organized activities, competitions or because I am a loved one who has all the princess materials and decides to be a philanthropist or something with them even before I have words. Sometimes it is hard to see what I am sharing or that I am in the first place. The behavior of others in the scenario is similar to someone who would have an art teacher in grade school and then go home and pretend to be Picasso when all they do is scribble or never have supplies or use them incorrectly. More importantly fail to realize that no one in the area is worried about art, or that they have not shown their work to the correct person or for the correct reason.

 

I am a person who has smart remarks in the middle of people commenting about what I am doing as a person who recognizes anger, homicidal tendencies, robberies, crimes and also all the amazing things to do and accomplish while people around me are engaging in those things all around me. This does include messages about war in live news reports in real time and from textbooks. I acknowledge what protects me on an individual level. It is the dilemma of knowing people who will give you ice cream might do something mean to others. I learned as an adult that the problem is when a serious directive is given and not followed, kind of like wearing a bullet proof vest always in a particular territory. There is a crisis when people are born into a situation that is already happening beyond their control. I am the person who tells “abandoned” children or ones with working mothers “good job on their spelling test” while others wonder or make comments about when they will get another haircut in the middle of the school day. I have the dilemma of being organized and right while being argued with or looked over by people who live in a store furniture display that they have yet to pay off. It is me being the type of person who puts these designs together who is constantly being argued with in the middle of this behavior by people who take the “display” with little regard to how it was put together or for what purpose. I live for the internal laughter of people saying “I saw her lying on a pattern bedspread” the day you see her purchase a pink one on her own and realize what you saw her on is the one that happens to be on the couch. I am the person who knows that there is nothing you can do to take away from the person who arrives at a location “just like everyone else”, let’s say the library for instance and chooses to read, write a paper or look up a current event and happen to be able to have a conversation somewhere in public because of this. Others who went on the same trip may want to bring that fact up and not realize that this is not the time for people who chose to run around and be silly. Some people get mad about choices, interest and what these things directly correlate to. I will also never answer to people who do not realize that they allowed someone to take over or chose them because they fail to see that there are things such as dentures, hair weave or wigs. There are people receiving a lot of attention and taking up responsibility that they need support from me for because they do not know that is the reason or how to explain that they know they are doing something and not being vague about it. The behavior might look like something else because of the “store display” that is being seen and not the person directly. I do not apologize for what seems like blank stares at people who make their identity “businessman” when they are in an area where racism would make someone feed a homeless person with no skill before even hiring them for a job they are good at. The same goes for when people band together by culture and decline help and support that people are giving them when they are an “immigrant” in the particular situation. I am always in the middle of turf wars or scenes from “gangsta movies” in my real life experiences. Sometimes people look for commercial breaks or the end of a movie where a real life occurrence is happening without these visual road maps until created by the person you see living through it or the person seeing this after or in the middle of what they are also experiencing. I cannot help it if I am considered being from a group of “crazy people with kids”. I make a joke about how my life is actually good but having had access to my own money as a “girl” makes me not notice when to give up something for a “million dollar deal” that cost me a quarter that I want to spend on chips when there is food in the house. I also know to keep it secret that I am trying to get my cell phone number to Lebron James, while I am somewhere with my own little bit of spending money and I know he might need a pack of socks in this small increment that I fit into. I have come into situations where people who have done things for money wish they could take it back.

 

There are kids living in their families house like “foster care” and trash talking people who would actually get awarded for amazing community service. I often feel a sense of abandonment when I am not a part of this structure or when I am around people who have made an alternate reality of this exact situation when they are in it. I have learned that it is okay to feel left out when what I can see is coming from people who are being corrected or reprimanded and making changes that I happen to witness. I should know not to feel bad when I see people bragging or boasting about material items they have that come from not making a car payment in months and going shopping. I have also learned to not feel bad when these people disappear and point out that I still have a name brand purse and underwear or perfume. All these things are a part of my identity that doesn’t include the missing car payments or them disappearing because of those types of things being dealt with. I probably would mention multiple times about living through a “lynching” if I could not see the danger, dismissal or consequence of people thinking this is not true or things like this do not happen. I can also see when people make this someone else’s problem even if it occurs outside their doorstep so to speak. I have lived through moments of people causing distress in an area I am not in due to technology. One that makes them think I am not on time because of what they “think” when I am actually on the way and closer than one will think and upon arrival have to deal with a “consequence” being in the atmosphere that I will actually never face. I also know the pain of rerouting and redoing things in the moment based on updates and knowing that it is okay to be emotional but not trivialize what needs to occur. I once learned in a very intimate space about how Martin Luther King Jr. fought Coretta and this happened during a time when I am witnessing Chris Brown be torn apart for a fight with Rihanna. I can see, learn and understand and make the direct correlations in my time, my day and my generation. I do not minimize people, experiences or the fact that a March on Washington is the result of someone running through an “underground railroad”. My tears in these situations come from knowing for a fact that whatever stories exist about me come from aiming to be non-violent and creating harmony among races. Had I ever learned about non-violence or heard about the fight between Martin and Coretta earlier in my life, I know there would be silence and a big difference about what people discuss or the response and reaction they would receive. Can I tell a funny joke about how I know when and where I would be claustrophobic so I handle myself in a way that seeks to completely avoid this in the first place. I once was instructing college courses and there was an assignment to do a six word memoir in the area I decided to create my own. “Box braids with golden cuff beads”. That would sum up a lot for people who would read my memoir. I have been called “Albert Einstein” in the middle of speaking at events that people have failed to reach gaining access to. There is the dilemma of being a smart, intelligent, active woman or girl who is pretty and attractive who becomes judged or harassed for what other people expect to see from them on the daily, even when they have no reason to be included. I also face the dilemma of being compared to parents who choose something over parenting.  Let me not fail to mention people who cannot see that physical and psychological violence can equivocate as a start or response.  There are people who would want me to feel harmed or people like me to feel harmed when a skilled mathematician is called for and someone with a vehicle is selected or considered when that has nothing to do with the task. Also, people who fail to understand a task or assignment and do not do their part and make it seem like a partner or collaborator has not done something because they work on their time and do their part of the assigned work or commitment. The aggravation of adults or people who do not understand consequence or will not feel impacted by them the way someone they are trying to force something on to someone else will. I have learned to thrive when people fight things like sobriety or proper consumption of something. I have learned to know that is often what resistance to me is and still cry about it if I want to. The stories people tell about others and even who they have become are often out of context. Being a good person, around people pretending to be a good person just to get something is irritating beyond belief. They miss the obvious marks, in the most vulnerable and tender of areas. The lack shows in the most obvious of areas.

 

There are people who do things because they have read or heard about apologies or seen them in something scripted in the media. Many people do not realize there will be no time or room for them to apologize or that the consequence is still going to arrive. In a mediated culture many people are associating with an identity or situation they are not in and “coming at” those who are or abandoning their natural and earned positions in life. There is something obvious to people who grew up about technology about getting dressed up and going to a bar or waiting in line for a party is not the same as someone being invited or having VIP access to the “party of the year” and being dressed properly on that day in particular. There really is something worth noting about the distortion people have about what goes on behind closed doors or making what happens behind them the same for everyone. I remember the day I got told I had a sinus infection and aimed to clear it up without the prescription or drug. This is like trying to introduce people to their delusions they do not know they have because going about something the “drug free way” when you live in a household with others may cause you to show them all the life errors they are making without you being aware of the insult you accidentally send. It is also knowing I have to learn to live in a world where people have talked to much and cannot figure out how to undo half of what they have done and that they themselves cannot even understand. 

 

I feel like by divine and spiritual appointment I was born to answer questions about what you sat through it, why belts and weapons are used, and what is “family” as in a mom, a dad, a sister, a brother in the first place when you are born into a world that is domesticated with walls and doors and ultimately the feeling of always being held hostage or potentially having been born into someone else’s hostage situation. I know for a fact there are people who would see me better if there were no windows, walls and cars driven by people older than me in their initial development. They would see me picking them up, bringing them food and being whatever is considered responsible. I also do not live like the racism I read about in elementary school is something all people are actively participating in. I am also a person who lives knowing that a man in a white hood in something called the Klan can be your teacher, grocer, mayor, abuser and you never realize this because you see them in the day with their face showing. Even as an adult who has grown and become a bigger human I develop my “four year old fist”, that muscle that would know to punch a “bad guy” in the face if it ever came to that and survive. It is also me realizing to tell people I love them and that I happened to do my homework about the Nicaraguan War on time which is why I may appear “absent” or disregarding of someone or something when I am actually stressed about if a missile or cannon is going to appear on a day that they just want to see me smile and give me a kiss. It is me knowing that my life is paced like “Ruby and Max” in a world where there is a such thing as a race car and race car driver. I can also see a world where people copy what comes from something they would never understand. Like being a “mom” from assault versus being one from excitement of reproduction and an overall environment of consent. There is also something about being born in a world where “Sunday” is a thing and a work week exists. So babies do not get sleep and strangers are normalized everywhere especially on payday. This makes it seem smarter to give someone your number in a department store and not realize you should have a relationship with someone you went to college with or work in the same field as. There are people cutting out their real life interactions for people who are ultimately robbing them or calling them out as if they do not know them and showing them who or what they should attend to. There is a thing that happens to people when you spend every day wearing shoes and normalizing this experience. I am the happy mom who knows to carry her son and take his shoes off in public because he doesn’t need them on. I think I have a side effect from reading the three little pigs that made me want to figure out how to “blow the brick house down”. There is a lesson in learning to wipe your nose with a Kleenex one time and getting another one if you need to do it again. I have also learned to heal people who would hear things like “you shouldn’t need them in the first place” when their nose is running and there are ample resources to provide them with something that they need. I am the person who announces to you when you may have copied something with a requirement you have no knowledge of. There are some people who would never go to a night club unless they can take an hour long shower when they arrive home and conclude with a spa day to remove germs and bacteria. I am the person who knows to take the risk that someone took to get me information about death and dying in the first place.

 

I grow up in a world where there is a trash-man that comes once a week. This makes a behavior show up of collecting or holding on to trash in the first place and making someone else responsible for removing it from the premise. I also notice where people have copied a behavior and not developed it. There are people who fail to sneeze, even if snots come out in the middle of something formal because they are copying someone who has already had this experience and removed what is causing the experience from their body and the atmosphere. There are people holding "sickness" in their body until "after" something and also people who do not have the visual to realize that someone would be in need of something to wipe their nose with in the immediate moment. There are people who would help and do help but cannot reach people who do not show signs of needing the help or support they would offer. This not only comes from copying and fear but also shamed and behaviors learned from others. I also know that when you are a person who is cleanly you can develop symptoms that impact your health and wellness from being around people whose bodies have adapted to bacteria, disease and germs and normalized the experience. They may also experience "their mothers lotion" as their own". I have learned to heal from the condition and symptoms of what has impacted my health and wellness because of particles that come from other people's lives that are hard to handle when you are sorting through what type of body wash scent you prefer. I will also say there are generations of people who do not understand that people are living, speaking or developing stolen identities. There are people developing habits and behaviors from advertisements that make them live as if a certain product is in their possession when it is not, or it makes them bring their attention to something other than what is being offered in the immediate moment and space to them. There are people who have set their life up or purchased products or made decisions as if they are someone's love interest. This may be due to something they say on television and film or even copied from witnessing someone else and not understanding what to contribute their behavior to. There is also something worth noting in regards to allowing, supporting or not saying something about allowing an entire group or generation of people participate in an experience that has a requirement that they do not reach to the point they aim to build over and over with no regard or reward because they entered without even having the knowledge that this resource has a price, even if someone covered it for you. There is an issue in my life where people will make comments about my writing, my growth, my doing and speak in regards to their "grade levels". So after someone has completely reached a goal and put everything together their are people who will minimize or call something in correct because rather than thinking in terms of correct or perfect they step up as if they are being elevated to another "grade" even when this framework no longer exist. There is also something worth noting about being a girl and woman a society who has accomplished things that the strongest of "men" would compete for and go against you at. In a world of words and education some put descriptions such as "strong little girl" where others only know instinct and fighting. I have come to know as a beneficiary of "feminism" that sometimes my insight or my access preludes with the understanding that a fight or war is what was in process before my female state of entry. There are some who have had to learn to depersonalize and realize that anyone with this acknowledgement, title, accolade, visibility, item or attention would be challenged, fought at or even sent to the grave so to speak. It is with this knowledge that I know that every success I have experienced has come with people and obstacles that intended to defeat, break or deny me rights and access. I have enjoyed cupcakes and frosting before knowledge of a stove. It is not of my own interpretation to be rewarded by people who are happy to see when I turn one on to bake my own and reach levels of perfection some are still working on. I have also learned to take it as a compliment when people challenge me in my life and personal space the way they would have a debate against a author's text they have read or pretended to read in a classroom, workshop or learning environment. There are people who have strained to reach me to tell me something about me "log cabin" or "apple tree" while I am celebrating what has been signed to "free them" so to speak. I teach in a way that creates, designs and implements much needed updates. Business owners have to learn the skill of who or what really security even if they are standing close to your space or face. There are people who will lose out on opportunity because they have normalized shared classroom space and boys and girls sitting together so they put a "boyfriend" where their uncle should be. They also may never get to their rightful place because of what they cannot see or understand is a need in the moment. There are people telling their secrets in public or sharing the intimate details of what they have been able to share with others because of what they have seen behind closed doors and home alarm systems on a screen. This makes it hard for people to stay or reach proper contact because people will or have inserted their opinions like television viewers at someone else's home in real time. There is a weird thing that happens when someone cannot see they have been invited into something private and then seeks validation to condemn the obvious to the point that some people argue that all the puzzle pieces are in the right place as if something is off. In a world where men and women have come into the same spaces and with the same access to certain things I and many other women have "mastered" the task, the assignment, the development to the point that some may not realize that the failure they experience or present is extreme and what they are fighting against is essentially at the skill set and level of what would scare an entire demographic of people to the point of immediate surrender, even when that would not be the persons intent, however what would be called for in that situation. I'm "all like, hello businessman or educated person who is in full authority and never had toilet tissue" and yes I am qualified to do this even if you fail to see this because you cannot identify how this occurs when their is tissue. I stress this scenario in my life when people want to think that I think I am "better" than someone when they fail to realize that someone else has given me a crown. I am pained when people do not see that "I am not speaking to them" and if they have ever seen an action film slapped is actually the standard answer for what would happen next if they have attempted to interrupt a conversation that they have no clue has reached a particular level. To put things metaphorically, it really is like living in the year that a woman goes to vote and her husband or family laughs or goes to stop her and does not know why and they fight at her only to turn on the television and see Barack Obama as a new president and realize that they had not heard, believed or listened to the changes in law that occurred in 1920. I am the person running around getting the opinions of those people, slipping them things to help and encouraging them to be correct even when masses of people around them are not. I advocate for children who have been exposed and appointed in error. Especially ones that have developed from people in their "homes" growing up watching television and participating or creating discussion as if they are a speaking man, a writing man, a voting man in society when they are not. This may cause people to step out of bounds or take on an identity under someone who has not ever reached or had access to any of what they discuss or the "show they put on" from misusing funds. I am also often disregarded when I do not have this behavior, support it or allow it to cause me not to purchase items like someone who has been awarded titles and awards with and without words. There are people who have not realized when they have followed the pattern for behaviors of child soldiers and military people or those who have practiced fighting their way out of those agreements that they had not known that they made. There are people who make complaints that make no sense. No, I will not understand if you participated in twelve years of a school system and at the level of close to or perfect attendance that you do not know what war is or slavery and that it involves killing and that people celebrate wins and document defeats. I will also not understand arguments about not knowing about or that something is slavery, championship or knowledge of circumcision when this has been clearly defined and outlined within a twelve year cycle. I have lived through arguments about "where babies come from" or "where milk" should come from for a newborn with people who should have thorough knowledge of this. I also have learned and real life exposure to how hard it is to have a child and raise one without the interruptions of those who do not know what is going on and should and fail to do so. Imagine being proud of oneself for knowing that bodies go into "heat" and someone would want to stop these things, control them or cut off their biological instinct from what they have deemed as normal even when someone experiencing it does not think it is. There are people who should realize that there are moms being attacked as kidnappers and pedophiles or zombies having creatures come out of their private areas after a person has already been exposed to this in a school system. I am smart enough to know I would prefer to give childbirth in the middle of the floor or ground of the location I go into labor but make sure I end up in a hospital in the society I live in and navigate. I am interested in fertility and womanhood where there are "men" who fight against women for developing whatever are "breast". I will say in a mediated culture there are people who have gained access to spaces and I will sound go ahead and risk sounding sexist by stating women and girls specifically who do not see that contribution to society might mean reading multiple text and providing an A+ reflection to your significant other, brother, father or male influence, role model or community member. It is me knowing how to identify myself in princesses characters whose stories made it to film to share the experience of many if not all in different variation. I live in a world where I a joke about me being the "little mermaid" is politically correct to identify who I would be had I ever been on board a "slave-ship" or sinking boat #backstroke. It is also knowing that things are situational and intersectional and that is is laugh worthy to state that "my name ring bells" and know that I can identify with the princess Bell while telling a funny joke about how I am to busy being "Dorthy" on my free time which might make it hard to notice. There is something special about all the things I can experience and enjoy. There are people who would send apologies to people who ended up in the grave or somewhere else because of someone's blind spot. It is also me knowing not to deny that I have to grow and make changes that showcase who or what I am in full because of the way I and others cut myself off like the change of a "period" in the school day. I am also proud to know that when people argue about appearance, my timing and my ugly day is that of a person who did not abandon people they are responsible for. I live like a "big sister" who would go outside and fight "debo" for her brothers (and uncles). I teach people in a way that shows them exactly who I am and what I am doing, often. I get better at showing why what is "okay for me" is always going to be a "no" for people I teach, mentor or appear before. I am the person who shows you that I am running through the jungle and "this is dirt that should not appear on you." Just take the glitter I throw on you in passing and know if I don't come back I would expect you to tell the stories and lessons like it's billion dollar Tuesday. Those are the lessons some people miss, fail to receive or fail to meet in the middle of a mediated culture that causes you to seek counsel or adoration for someone else's "begged" for five dollar t-shirt when someone in your immediate area has ice cream and sprinkles for you and a fur that you wear when it is time for YOU to go out of the house. My goal in life is to really show appreciation to people who amazed me by noticing pure white in the middle of slightly off white and appearing to do the same thing, respond the same way, love unconditionally and be able to provide on sight what is required or what is to be gifted. Some people would want to say it seems like I take a backseat when I am simply like a librarian who is the only one that actually has everything in the Dewey Decimal System and card catalog in place. Acknowledgement of those things that are actually defined as profound showcase that a person has went to seek for the information that they need and should be applauded for that and also given a pat on the back for being able to showcase that the others have much work to complete and many things out of place. There are no tears from a woman or girl who has showed in several layers that she would have adorned your properly and witnessed you choose those who have belittled you and in public in more ways than one. I and those like me have no qualms about what we have been through nor do we put the praise in the wrong direction for who or what still has us in lip gloss. I laughed today aiming to talk to someone about something and in the middle of the interaction I remembered how I used to speak to my "teachers" in pre-school with words and finish assignments and help with others. I am four often speaking to people who have yet to experience this even in their employment. I have learned to put on more lip gloss, write and have a drink more often. I feel that writing and telling these stories are as important as the one someone wrote about Phillis Wheatley and shared with me. I am also aware that there are people who walk up and down steps in a household and then proceed to do this in public and speak at levels that are out of bounds. Had their environment not had stairs they would realize they barely speak, have access to a particular conversation nor would they share their incorrect doctrine and philosophy with the absolutely correct person in their view. Many people share information out of place and incorrectly because putting their physical body in a location that seems correct when it is systematically and psychologically incorrect. Many hardly notice. If the home they grew up in only had one level they would hardly navigate certain spaces or even attempt to speak at a particular time. There is also something very concerning about "men" who do this behavior "at" women who have excelled in a space that they clearly are being given access to by something that you are surrendering to or is still not giving you access. Who or what would you expect to show up and what do you think will occur outside of one exact action in the immediate moment. There is also something to be said about people who go through twelve years of schooling and fail to read and are heartbroken when they have to be taught that they are somewhat of a thief. Especially if they came for food, to show off clothing or figure out how to get money to get something. There are generations of people who have to realize and understand when the five year old they sent to kindergarten is still looking at them in the form of a grown man who should have education and some skill but do not other than knowing the pattern of behavior and what is appropriate so to speak. They sit just like they would have at the tender age of five and people cannot see when they are arguing quietly because they would like some "silly puddy" or something Thomas the Engine in the exact form for a reward or gift. I often make real statements  in the form of a metaphor about people who have pretended to not like "Barney" any more when I am bragging about still watching it and they secretly still do. Then when I make the appropriate shift due to development they argue, dismiss, tattle or feel something is inappropriate when it is exactly what they are showcasing or pretending to do and cannot handle in the "real sense" especially from the person who would never hide still watching things like "Barney" or be afraid to share these sentiments in writing even if someone else thinks it is silly. These things occur when it is actually time to celebrate something which can include strippers and drinks in the most appropriate, classy and conservative of manners. I am as loud about "if it is time to go to the strip club and figure out how to get me on a date with this man" as I am about when I am still watching things like "Barney". I also know what it means to take a risk in a world with access to comedy to see if something can be as funny as I would like it to be through written words. In a world where technology has always been around to many it is hard to not live in a way that makes room to "ask for someone's number" which is probably something they do not have or would not know how to use in that context. Someone who takes the time to read this really might need to take some time to go and buy someone in their life a bottle of wine this person might be your boss, friend or even your grandma. There are people who have had a hard life and provided for people more than they may think or believe especially in a mediated culture. I had a lesson from my mom as a person who likes to sing and perform about something I cannot see about the culture I am growing up in. If I choose to start singing and dancing around the house, she removed the walls. Would I do this is I was standing outside, nope. I cannot see that in certain scenarios that is what is going on and what it would be the equivalent of, especially while she has to pretend that she does not know I am doing this because I am copying a music video. I love knowing that I will not have that side effect and having the ability to laugh through teaching about this lesson in particular. It is also important to stay skilled in knowing that I really want somewhere to actualize my performance to "Gangsta Party" and to do so strategically so it never "just comes out of nowhere". I would actually like to fix this symptom from developing in people who are seeking to participate in politics in the wrong area or acting as if they have voted or participated when they have not done so. This is an important behavior to address. There are also people who watch television, film and music videos and cannot see when a lived experience that they have watched is, does or is actually occurring. Something about an entire story being shown in two hours might make someone not see that the plot is a formation of centuries, decades and ultimately years of someone's personal life history and development. It is that blind spot when people as "well what is happening now" as if everything is not happening in conjunction. It is knowing and understanding the attitude coming from the ability to say "no I do not" being taken away from you. I am also serious when it is knowing why people will shut things down before they even start or have a chance to happen. Pardon me while I do cute things like see if a blog post can come across as a strip tease or a "poll dance". Yes, that is not a spelling error. This is knowing that parts of your life are out of order because some people cannot see why eleven o'clock is eleven o'clock for a reason. I would also encourage people who form peer groups and friend groups in the middle of access to education to realize that the "seating arrangement" might not allow you to see when a "really good friend of yours" is being competitive in the same moment with you for something that is already yours, you have earned, or has been designed for you. They may treat everything like a chance to get the highest grade, acknowledgement from a "teacher" or give a speech at the end of the year. Many people would never know that people are "walking" with them into a "billion dollar competition" they would not even know they are in or qualified for so to speak. This person is often the one you would give the most to, and has developed your identity from being around you but fails to give you your proper seat. They will most likely fail without you or realize how much you have given them and how much more they would have been able to receive. They may also feel like they have defeated you because you are in the middle of understanding what they are battling you for and especially in the space where you have already allowed them to "be" when you know they are not "smart" or whatever word matches your particular scenario. I am the person who knows that JoJo has a version of the song "Weak" and do not care what people think when I listen to it.

 

I am more than what others define me as, mistake me as, create situations that cause me to navigate life like an obstacle course. The days where your peers smoke weed and you joke with them like "puff, puff pass". Those moments when every one of your life exams that you are about to ace are interrupted with a funeral. The desire to be vegan but there is meat in the collard green juice. I am the person who knows that voting is the one thing to do or some type of civic engagement for healthy participation in society, even if you aren't excited about it. I am excited about community, development and creating better opportunities for myself and others. I have witnessed war with my own eyes and there are people who pretend to or misconstrue situations that they also have seen. There is nothing worse than seeing people, especially young people living as if certain things have occurred in their immediate life when they have not. I once decided to see if I would be able to free kids from a group home like environment or something, I'm the dummy who knows to not be shocked if I get chased down the street because of it. It is still me being silly in the totality. It is having seen Jurassic Park, Armageddon and movies with Leonardo DiCaprio. I have begun to understand that some people do not realize when the opinions or comments they have about my behavior come from inclusion. No, I would never realize people who would attempt to rob me of my lifestyle because they cannot count in terms of resources, access, invites, symbolism of material goods or understand a debit card transaction and bank account. I have to remind myself to wear Pink lipstick, because in order to successfully take something away from me you would have to be able to take it directly off of me. People get savvy, so I know to stay sassy. My writings are not for people whose vocabulary only consist of "mmhmm", yes and no. My way of thinking is most likely not for people who dismiss sociology, philanthropy, community and active study that derives pursuit of something in particular. It is imperative to realize in a society where women and girls are becoming educated that they will be fought and attacked at for not behaving in a masculine manner. I have learned that men and boys will dismiss positive sentiments because they have normalized rejection and emasculation. In today's society especially if you are working in a particular field knowing who people like Chimamanda are, acknowledging this blog and expectations of millennial with access to cyber knowledge, comprehending that there is no problem with making comments in academic spaces that include Beyonce and being affirmative in the fact that all this may seem abnormal if you are just gaining access to a space. There are mediated generations of people who will allow someone who copies off television or film to take up to much space where they have no skill or purpose. They may then miss out on those who do have purpose and are providing it as they should. It is like women and girls who dress up like the day that they winner of a pageant is exposed and do not realize that along the journey this person may have been fighting against alopecia and if they had a video camera would have documented it. There are also people seeking approval and validation from something they have learned to be "in charge" and fail to seek to simply have the correct answer and implement. I have been through sex education, even without having had sex which can make me seem like a person who is bringing something up when I am not. There are people living with STD's who have never heard of them and so when I speak about the topic in advance there becomes an opinion about me that may be very incorrect. I once had an interaction that I will discuss in a later blog post about an experience where I was biologically pursued by a guy who did not understand circumcision and he was not, however, he was forcing his biologically body into the space and behavior of people whose health would be declining or symptoms that would show up due to having had the procedure. There is a grief that will come from interacting with people who do not realize that Jesus and Martin Luther King Jr. have been to jail, even though they have done remarkable things or because someone fought against them. I think more people would ride the bus if they realized that Rosa Parks was fought at and jailed for wanting to participate in society. It is like having access to a mango in every spot you would end up starving, but never do. Some behaviors or consequences that are already in place are as identifiable as knowing something is gold. Here is the thing, before a person learned the color gold they would not know what it is even if they could see it. There are people who would want to fight me out of my "knowing". As in birth order is vital. I have family members who know for a fact there are siblings and cousins who did not understand or learned later in life who was in charge and being responsible for them. I know to still have my resources and provide them to where they go to. If you are born after someone who has already been established as a "spoiled brat" you may fail to see that you cannot come back to family members you identify with that have already placed this person in high esteem. Worse is when someone is assigned at the basic level and can reach in a cabinet for you and you continue to reach out to someone whose arms have been cut off. I laugh at people who make comments about what I have earned because I do not spend them in the wrong direction. I also am aware that if you "fall in a ditch" the consequence will be bumps and bruises as people pull you out and the people that get left in the ditch may laugh as you are being pulled out and then feel sadness when they realize no one will be coming back to retrieve them. I am the person who would invent something like soap, I just happen to be in a society where this has been developed. Many people cannot see when they behave like people who would stay dirty and develop disease and are simply in someone else's formation of cleanly. These people often fight at people who would actually create these things themselves if they were not available. Fortunately for me I do not grow up in a world where "blacks" and "women" cannot vote. I am not cut off from knowing that it is okay to travel, rent rooms and contribute to society and people. That is what  essentially is going on. I also do not have a "homeowners syndrome" or adverse effect from car rides. My identity is established where I am. Imagine being in a car with people as passengers and then forming a bond or relationship at a destination that isn't derived from transport. Growing up with school buses and things of that nature allow me to not personalize who is in travel at the same time. I have never created that attachment. I also have knowledge of social emotional development and I can see from my learning and what has been available to me via printed material and visuals what it means to carry things forward and be in action. I will always be grateful for people who have made "obstacle courses" to help people who argue with children about why they came out of their womb. There is also something problematic about people who cannot see that they are going through something side by side or the same situation. Especially what they attempt to do when they see what they have declined. There is no way to recover when you are in the area where people should know they are in a global and international society. This is similar to people who should have learned about reproduction and get all off the access and people have to witness children growing properly in society and getting cut off where a person "lied", "failed" or participated improperly. In a world where diversity may be new and equality may be fought against, however people repeat things for money you may notice people "come at you" for smiling and waving and not excluding people. Vital to understanding society's where technological fluency is a thing is realizing when people are targeted because of a goal someone set from watching a television. They fail to see in person that they go straight to the identifiable person. This is a problem and a compliment. I have people come into contact with me or make interactions with me and aim to discuss me. When people go to address the situation they often find the first point of contact is me not knowing the person and them doing something stalker like, and then feeling shocked or scared if they see me in person and they are making chaos that is not true. There are also people who carry their skills, developments and titles into the wrong area. They also are often not the best but may be the only one in their area or be impacted by stories of discrimination that make them promote in a particular way. I have been awarded, flown to conferences, published and more. Some people wonder why this does not "show up" in certain areas, it is them questioning why I do not overstep my boundaries. Also knowing that because I am one of the best at something, does not mean that I overlook the person who is in charge of something or has a superior title when they speak or give directions. My life is like having all the correct data on a spreadsheet that you submit before the end of the workday and not knowing that there are people who have mentioned errors that do not actually exist and being harassed as if they do. No, I will not be hurt by people who attack something I am doing because they have normalized abuse. If I bring you a meal where someone has set you aside to starve you and you are unaware of this, the person who has the scores of MY CMT's doesn't expect to see me until my eye ball has fallen out of the socket. There are different expectations for different people. Will I sound ridiculous for having come to realize that some people have been taught that the person that they will see in their reflection is dirty. mentally ill and they should attack them violently. I know not to reach out to give hugs to people who existed before me who learned something and completely performed the task and will consistently aim to make you feel the same way or see the reality as they see it. There are people I can tell have a particular interest and the same way people who show up to a march together or an office together may not fully know each other there is a clear continuation that should occur. I cannot help if something about church services, school days and cell phones make people think that they would hear about what I am selected for and the type of information I am expected to share, until it occurs. I would not, until later in life be able to know that children I would be raising have been so impacted by a particular occurrence that the normalize what is unhealthy and problematic. In an international society where skills are identified as they should be, yes people may place a veil or filter and let people think what they want about a person. If a person can see a person who bears fruits and notices other people wanting to rid themselves of it, there will be no pain felt by the person while their fruits are being used, even if by those who have tricked others out of it. I would laugh if the people who provide me with my resources told me stories of who or what put me out, which is why they do not know the consequences of not voting when you can read. There are teachers and medical doctors wondering why community members and elders are not being healed in their homes and families. I would know how to prevent most if not all diseases or stop them in action. I am sure the person who lived to talk about self-defense would want people to have more context about why they keep seeing a person who has learned alternative ways to address what they cannot see as problematic. There are people who have really been defeated who attempt things in their defeat because of a movie scene they are aiming to act out. How silly would someone look staring me in my face and articulating that I would not let them rob me or someone else or that I know to block them from attempts to be an abuser. I also live in the part of society that can teach women and girls about the measures people have gone to, to reduce violent experiences that come from biological responses. I corrected my classmates math papers in 6th grade and realized to this day it is that hard for some people to realize that whatever they are aiming to include or exclude me from is because they cannot see that I am already at the highest level of performance. Where they think there would be tears, like something they saw acted out on television, there would be laughter from whoever would be me and the teacher in all metaphorical equivalents. There is something irate about the way people compete in today's society. They compete at the person or with no particular skill. Sometimes they also know what the criteria for winning is and copy someone else's content, if that makes sense. If you ask me why I have won or been selected for things I would say "I do not know". However, you would question me about this while I am on my way to orchestrate my grant funded program or board the school bus that was provided for a volunteer program at a local elementary I started and was funded for in college. That is my life choice, that is where you will find me, that is what you will see me doing. I do the weird thing when I am discovering what is up with chemicals and bacteria and what they cause. I also ignore people who are using terms like "they" when I know where and when I am not included. If you are interested in having a resource you see me using, after having "othered me", it would be problematic to expose yourself for not understanding what that means. I know I am not responsible for errors that come from people who do not know what a university, a church, a family, a grocery store and all the equivalents are for and attack when they see someone using them appropriately. I will never be the person to attract someone to a war zone with food. Many people will never realize why they have failed in "battle" or do not even know that is what is occurring when that is clearly what the space they are designed in is for. I am unapologetic about not having groggy people who then are too tired to create and put a protest where it does not belong. I also know who or what is designed to protect and fight for or against me. The ratio of price point is important. If you tell me that something is free when it is not, no I will not comprehend you. If you behave as if people have  not hand written books by candle light, I will also not comprehend you. The scripted televised argument that people want to copy is causing chaos. Not swinging means developed comprehension and skill, fear or sensory perception is off. I wonder if people have realized how many times they took on the role of someone else's bill collector. In a world with newly found access and shared space I become pretty at the same time as someone that would never interact with me, I become better at a time when the person who does nothing is employable, I become smarter when girls typically do not learn, I become "ugly" in public on other people's important day, I become visible in a work space when you would typically only see my flawless presentation. I am actually happy about these things. It's like getting the right to vote and learning if you picked the right candidate or not. I teach the ability to share space with people who are awesome and the ability to know how to use it. There are people who should be able to walk in my house and take clothes and resources out my closet who have declined that appropriate relational development because of who or what they "think" are really there for them when they are not. As a person growing and learning about economics and financial literacy I have had to learn to not allow people back into that space after they have declined and literally have to make them what they would be if I was not a holistic community member which is recipients of me at my place of employment or provided information from me about their next steps. I have learned that there are people who cannot see they are sitting in the aftermath of things like the holocaust and slavery, often directly in it. Growing up I would think everyone has learned about these things. Let me state this so it is understood, no, I cannot see behind closed doors nor do I run out of energy from not following the paradigm of a space or interaction. Also there is something to be said about people who do realize how annoying it is when "audiences" vocalize or critique someone when they cannot see that their favorite leaders, stars or celebrities have rented clothes or only wear them like a costume and have to put them back. In a mediated culture some people are pursuing a purse and end up taking on an entire career that could belong to someone else. I have learned in my time and with what is available in society to recognize the way some people seek to dismiss my wisdom, support and ability is literally like knocking over my legos and offer support to people that are in that space and can see me fix confusion with a simple correction and a head nod or handshake because the two parties have access to the resources they are going back to use. Some people cannot see when after that, nothing is wrong. If you exist where you should be able to articulate and categorize trauma there should be no response expected from some people other than for them to continue doing what they where doing. I have been called Albert Einstein at events I have participated in, I am not sure for what I was called this or when they described him as a genius but I can understand the overall point. What I do not do is the somehow normalized behavior of trying to shove it in people's faces or act as if other geniuses are not present around me and in different genres. No, I am no going to pay attention to jokes about hair or weave when I am inserting formulas that make sense in a technological age. The person I am addressed as visible, exist as if I cannot read. I encourage you to explore this entire blog and read the biography if you have not. There is someone who thinks I cannot even speak English.

 

Self expression and identity is vital to success and progression in today's day and age. Style, choice and passion are all apart of the industry and basic requirements for active participation in most things. I love myself and some people aim to compete where I would be all smiles. As in your stomach gets chubby during that time of the month or when you gain weight from life transitions. I love my attitude adjustments. The ones that come from people who make comments about how I wear a belly shirt and then see me a month later with weight gain and do not realize that the next time I go out I will buy something I feel  good in and that fits, even if that means another belly shirt. I have had to deal with the emotional trauma that comes from growing up in a mediated and consumer society, even when those who have existed before me still do not understand the impact. People who have seen commercials and shopping malls on a screen and attempt to retrieve items that are designed and earned by me. As a person who has developed in a world with access to education, entertainment, politics and religion that highlights and showcases amazing and inspiring people I am exciting to be able to understand when someone has included me in this realm. I am happy to know that people fall in love with me often and fall deeper in love the moment I open my two lips. Depth and breadth are vital. I am honoring a commitment to those who have appreciated what I have come to be and all the things I have to say. The best form of self expression is being you and the best identity to have is YOURS! #ForThoseWhoCanKissMyTwoLips. There are people who would want to argue with me when I state that they make decisions as if they are surviving on a boat. I also know there are people who cannot see that they replace or remove relationships they would have with people because of technology and cell phones. Or they let an emotion make them cause chaos. If I told you I love you, that remains even if you accidentally override it with someone else's text message or you frequently run out of time and money for shopping trips because YOU created something random. I once had a one time verbal agreement with a person who will always be with me. It is the day this person realized all the mistakes made because they do to start with the correct answer, and the day that person had to crush me all the way into my "in zone" because of what I miss or what mistakes I made because I am already correct, finished, on to the next. I also get checked about the way I interpret "I don't have time right now" and have had to teach people that my health and wellness are impacted by them wanting me to wait for their habits and schedule it creates. I am very honest about the fact that if I had a particular number in a phone that is the only one I would call and often. There are people who do not realize people spend a lot of money on technology and phones to use it one time. There are also people who go one place in life who have made people feel bad about a scuff mark on their school sneakers after being at the playground and not knowing how to calculate that they also have church clothes and pajamas for bed. I often come into contact with people who make comments or gestures that are misunderstood by most who are engaging with them in a certain sector of society. I have come to believe that this is the person who missed the lesson on animal groupings and that humans are in the mammal category. I should introduce the rest of what I will be writing about by mentioning I am aware that there are typing "animals" and that articulation is simply putting into language something that has occurred. Emotional responses, reactions or next steps are not directly included in this context. Somethings are said about me and people wonder why there is no response, it is either extremely incorrect or extremely accurate. Here is the thing, if you point out that an apple tree is growing apples what exactly is the response you would be looking for, especially if the comment derives from believing only pears grow on tree's. In addition to this if  people have watched and waited until the apple's on the tree spoil and point it out as an insult, they may not realize that the only thing that could receive this as an insult is the person who watched the apple spoil and then speaks about being hungry. This person may not realize that nature is rotting the fruit so that it will be eliminated due to being of no use and not effect other fruits growing or the tree's roots, bark, branches and leaves. Furthermore some have pointed out that there is a fence around a tree they may have "pissed" on. They fail to notice someone cares enough to build a fence and fail to be aware that these fluids exist in the ground and spread anyway. The fence is showing that someone is belligerent in the area. If you failed at knowing the animal, mammal, human categorization in the space that requires that understanding you will frequently think someone else is missing the point, when it might be you. No one with access to a apple tree on the premise will acknowledge an argument about someone having a dollar to purchase fruit at the store. I often build gifts for people who block themselves from receiving them because they are in the wrong frame of mind. Typically putting the calendar, date and time in the wrong location and context. 

 

There is something interesting about being a person who can notice when someone does similar or the same work as you and not realize that they think they are the only person in the world who does this type of work. I laugh often about how I do youth and community work, public speaking, conferences and more and happened to also go to college. I live in a world where I have made $14 dollars an hour and can look at people who will not notice I can tell they have a low performance level or have less experience or a different job title. No, I am not saying money is everything but it is a clear indicator in certain sectors of society. Yes, people get confused about why I am at a computer when they sit in their offices and fail to type, research and write proposals correctly.  I am a fan of people like Joan of Arc. Stories about what I have been through do not hurt me or make me and the way some people would think. People have often lost and not been able to notice, which means I can hardly notice if you are behaving in a way that suggest otherwise when everything is properly outlined and documented. I am excellent in many things I do and I base the opinion on who or what is giving the directive I aim to follow. I exist in a world where great grandmothers didn't always have the language to explain how their children got here. I privilege the ability to articulate life experiences and understand words like marriage, family, emotion, domestic violence, rape, romance, poverty, hungry, healthy, sick, comprehension, disease, healing, medicine allow people to share, communicate and prevent and respond to each other and the world we all live in. There are people who never had the ability to speak, write or even think in a way that could explain what captivity is, feels like or how it occurs. Without words I have often been taught what buying a bedspread can mean if you cannot properly explain or do without it. As a person who has been able to grow in a consumer society where products are already made and available for purchase, healing not always the distance of migration, and examples of what intimate and sanitation mean I excite when I accidentally burn my sheets while ironing them so I will showcase impeccable skill if I ever get trapped in the house as someones wife. When it crumples into a white burn spot, I will laugh often and know anyone who thinks a new one should be purchased is still using their families towels and has never bought there own or any for the household they exist in. I am a person who enjoys giving gifts.While people protest, forget to vote and argue about civil rights I notice that Hallmark has a mug that says "Big Daddy" on it and attribute this to societal advancement. I also am apart of a group of people who fly in airplanes. I have magic trick of understanding people often miss out on the fact that the "Triple OG" they love to see may have had the same pair of Timberland's for years because of how often they are worn. I have owned Timberland's in Pink, Baby Blue, Burgundy, Tan, Black and more in my lifetime. As a mom who enjoys community work and participating in the part of society that is doing financial literacy I will never turn down IAM snow boots that are purchased and given to me and ask for or go buy UGGS. I am always shocked on the day I realize that I have been told about people around me who have been on drugs or in jails and begin to realize that they often do not know what occurred to them, even if they did something that has been labeled bad or criminal in society. I cannot control if people think there is only one way to get money and as I have grown up I have had more money than most people have seen. I will say that Lil' Kim posters and music videos make me think a lot of money is the amount people would roll around in. Coffee and journal money appear normal to me in more ways than one. Have you ever thought of the fact that using greetings like Hello and Good morning or knowing the proper protocol and routine for a location or event can make curse words and slaps disappear in the moment. It is imperative to know that this behavior, acting accordingly can get you a raise or the career of your dreams. That in itself is a skill. Growing up I remember trips to the hair salon and having relaxers. As soon as I learned you could become addicted to things like that I took action in my life. I am the person who would want to know what is so funny about "creamy crack", but also like to establish the extreme difference between people using hair products and people who are addicted to them. I live knowing that George Washington had wooden dentures and a wig. I have no care or concern about what people think when I know to experiment with baking soda over chemical cleaners and want to experience all the results from even a one time exchange. I am happy to know that Tom's toothpaste and toe shoes are what people would want to complain about, and I have learned to just smile when people around me really just haven't mentioned to them that they are decided to commit to chemicals or addiction. Their insults do not make sense, are out of context or are just them going against a very firm decision. I choose to heal, be healthy and well and avoid chemicals over dosages or experiences that keep people around the bacteria or what needs or requires chemical cleaning. I have learned that deodorant and body wash have caused people to let certain people stay around or go around certain situations because it makes them able to handle he germ, virus or deadly person that is in the territory. If they stop using chemical deodorant or body wash for a certain period of time there are people who they would not even let near them or advocacy that would take place. Many people cannot see when I am often attacked or have to recover from people's behavior because pretty is what I am existing in the space as, even if I am smart. It is overwhelming when the "ruff necks" or fighters bum rush an area. Pulling myself together may look like me trying to gather my things to avoid them or show fear. If you have ever seen Miss Congeniality that is what me and others like me would appear as, if people would stop focusing on the stress from aiming to go to school or work daily. In my life I made a acknowledgement and complete transition when I realized what aiming to keep up in daily participation in something does to my life, health and strength. I focused on creating my own schedules and blocking passage ways that make people think that me not wearing make up, means I am going to the make-up artist that goes along with me hosting an event. This total life change also put me in the complete center where it can be seen that who I am is when I wear fur, pink, heals, sequins, glitter and dresses. Yes, my journal has a diamond flower on it. I can feel in my spirit that people would want to argue because of the change I made. They would want to act like it is something new when it is not, it is just me knowing to not confuse who I am and what I like with the fact that other people have scheduled me places to be within my life. I am also noticing in this society if some people cannot see the response or overall occurrence in a film or television they do not realize they are being dismissed. They would have nothing but negative comments to say about their behavior and call themselves belligerent and want it removed. I am also not confused about what people will do for their personal gains and pleasure. There is a space in my life, even from people who love me or have grown to love me because of what they would abandon, rob, steal, kill and destroy for. People would want to point out or find that space in my behavior just to justify certain things they may have done. For a happy healthy life, a well mind and building strong communities I would fight against bacteria and diseases and all the things that cause them to take over people's lives, including mine. Can I mention some people make these decisions in the wrong direction. It is like not realizing you can use the public library and giving up building a great relationship to purchase a laptop and not even having an overall life purpose or assignment for its particular use. I am not confused that wars have been started over "turmeric" and that doesn't mean dismiss or retreat. That means understand, live and thrive. Many people would want me to be hurt or feel bad about particular happenings. I have learned that displaced emotions can make a person unwell. However, if someone is interested in hygiene and sanitation the sentiments are not to be translated improperly. I also will just nod my head at people who do not understand what is occurring when they should. Many people keep showcasing bottles to people who breastfeed. There is nothing worse than people who cannot see that a bottle is the thing that would be out of place, even though it can be of use in the proper context. 

 

There is a such thing as self-defense and there is courage in knowing how to stay in the space where that is acknowledged. I would always wonder why anyone would be offended by me mentioning that Lysol is important to use in the epidemic of sneaker wearing and bacteria. If there is data that can tell you that a sickness or disease can lay dormant in you for up to ten years, wanting to spray and clean thinks like sneakers would be vital to do and share in the NOW. I am also smiling thinking of how silly a person who went to karate might look to a person who want to start trouble with them. They may misunderstand the "hiya" that you are sending into the atmosphere. There is a strategy where most others just swing or retreat. I am the person who would want to teach people about harassment, what it means and what it looks like in action even if it is something they have done. I would also teach them about the beautiful act of "seduction" or aiming to attract or be attractive to someone in a healthy way that showcases an understanding of boundaries and the ability not to delude if there is no interest shown in return. Personally, the knowing that the scent of Tiffany's perfume is appropriate for requirements regarding fragrance in particular realms, and that a french manicure can come with diamond accentuation and be appropriate. More importantly it is knowing to not give up those moments to laugh with your "girls" or female role models by consistently pursing your lips, wearing lipstick and trying to get away with wearing a sheer gown in public. I do not control that I was brought up in a society that discusses safe space and brave space. I control how I use the knowledge I learn to blow kisses in the right direction. There is nothing shameful to me about my life experience. I have understood messages of people who want to call me out because of what they understand a fan does #coolyouoff. There are people who have never seen the moments of my life where I ride my bike past my father and his friend and sing the lyrics to songs performed by Ice Cube or the days I go for ice cream. There might be something about church clothes, saints and old ladies that sing and incomplete readings of religious text or learning of practice that make people cut out my next door neighbor who I interact with heavily, the dope boys who can still come in the house, that lady selling her you know what that still has the correct information, the person who the hot comb who was just making me "look cute" and all the people who cannot read who have celebrated and done more than well. There are people who look cute and dwell where words like mental illness, retardation, illiterate are not present or do not matter in the situation. I will say in a mediated society some often wander looking for things they do not need, wouldn't want in their condition or wouldn't want to be around the people or task that it attracts. There are some people who do not conceptualize that they have never had an interaction to be taught about a therapist, a vacation or even buying a home outside of something they may have seen on television. They often comment on people like me who watch Cupcake Wars and bake in real life. I was had a speaking engagement and a winner from a cooking show I had seen on the Food Network and almost died. I will hardly argue about what has occurred in my day or what I have accomplished in my life with people who have not identified that they have had no speaking role their entire life existence.  My heart breaks sometimes for people who I know are developing strong identities from real life role models who get thrown off by people who saved up to get Nike's and a "fitted" hat. As in no, the people you wanted to build with will most likely not know how to host or plan a party even if they have adopted the style and behaviors of those who do. I grow up where people have made a word called "sexting" and people cannot understand when they have walked closely into your space and that a "no" might take them a while to understand. Much harder to understand is when I have something to do "Saturday" which is most often why people are still around or want to claim they have done something when the word they fail to use is "lost". The last person that "this" happened to wasn't able to be around to tell other people about it. This is understood by all the people who have things to do on "Saturday" also. Yes, glitter lip gloss and furthering my plan at world domination and romance with the man of my lifetime is a good reason "to make you say you love me", instead of showing up in orange. I have come to the conclusion that goal setting was designed by someone who wanted people to see they have something that they would really want to achieve or accomplish. In my world, my personal goals are getting closer to being reached every time I give up purchasing or putting out a life request for door knocker earrings and a Gucci bag. Every time I show up with the items and resources for the organization I am building there is a person getting closer and closer to providing donations and grants. People will notice when I have purchased beads, oil, shampoo and conditioner along with a story book for my own Braids & Beads Initiative to address issues of health and wellness, internalized oppression, lack of bonding and intimacy and other societal factors that contribute to low self-esteem, depression, economic oppression and more in young women and girls in their communities. That is my real life choice, commitment and investment. Yes, there is something phenomenal about purchasing a younger female cousin Justin Bieber perfume and understanding the value. I am not opposed to sharing about the life dilemma of purchasing Hollywood Royal by Juicy Couture at Macy's and then noticing the price of the one at Burlington Coat Factory because of joining your grandmother on her shopping trips. There is also a key component of knowing it is "still expensive" in all honesty. There is this thing when people want to argue about why am I being cheaper or see where I made a purchase and then they see a choice. They see the choice I make to purchase the gem and sequin fanny packs for people who will facilitate the curriculum that goes along with the program for my organization.So no there will never be an argument about me going to get something for a cheaper price, there will be a conversation about the large amount of money that was spent as a friendly gesture. This is understood where commitment is a collective. Some people do not realize what it means to "suck it up" or "take a L" in the right context. I have had to learn to redirect myself when people have started problems with me and cannot see that the fact that they are "breathing" is what makes me the winner in this context. I am a person who knows that school administrators have trusted me with their car keys and faculty allowed me to eat snicker bars and soda from their personal refrigerators. I would not equivocate this relational experience with the fact that I can show up to the school building and eat breakfast. I am also annoyed by girls who fail to see the are irritating an overall experience and no one will vocalize this to them. As in girls who will not navigate their regular location unless they have hair weave, a certain thing on and more. These women and girls often start fights or pick trouble with the female who is being normal. If you have never had love, support and acknowledgement you may misunderstand the behaviors of those who do or why they prance around when you have to be out working or dressed to make an exit. No, I am not saddened by people who do not bathe and cause trouble for people who are so spoiled and washed that they would not be able to survive any other way. I didn't grow up understanding that people "lick" each other to clean themselves and others. Lick to me is when you play with a puppy dog that is a house pet and cleaning is showers! It may be hard to detect when you have sensationalized a relationship and do not realize people you have chosen to adore would rob you for soap. Many who grow up going to school do not realize one day it will be over and dismiss the real people in their lives and fail to see when they are treated accordingly. 

 

I have won many awards in my life, I once was nominated for an award that there was a fee for. I received the nomination and understood what to do next. I rather say thank you for the acknowledgement and take the fee for the award and purchase items for my community work instead. I will have a permanent eye roll because being a well oiled bathed child and a person who brushes their teeth can give off the vibe of people who have been molested, assaulted or are sexually active. It is knowing to eye roll instead of question sometimes. There really are perpetrators looking for rapid shoulder moment in women to capitalize on, and they do this from a generation that did not have toothbrushes. Most people still do not. This sounds obvious to some and pointless to others. I have learned not to feel bad when people around me do not realize that they exist in a time frame in my life where if they dropped dead I would not know what it is and still go to the store to continue shopping for something with glitter on it. This also goes for not knowing why someone may be stumbling. There is something to be said about people who live and survive when people have made no space or access for them to do so. There are people who do not understand what television and access to chemicals in the air do and how they cause people to survive the harshest of environments. There are people whose hearts cry because people have lived to see the experience that they gave them with the ability to articulate and comprehend. They often end up walking by all the people who saved them that they neglected only to find out that the relationship they saw on television is the only reason they do not see that the person they look for is an abuser or person who feels abused by them. There are people's whose eyes will misconstrue lessons taught with words and actions.As a person who high achieving academically since childhood I had to learn what "treason" or the opposition looks like and what it would mean to participate in certain things. In an intersectional society this becomes a big lesson to learn. I reflect on my mom's notes she would sign for me in high school that simply said I'm late and I live receiving thong underwear as gifts from her for my achievements and womanhood. She would give me more than a side eye, if I ever felt like I could not be late and would wonder whose rule I have chosen. Sometimes people miss the person who as told them they could lay and live free and witness the gifts they bring because of seeking to live on someone else's schedule and time. In a mediated culture it is hard for people to feel what message is being sent to them when they are a person who has been presented a feast and ends up living like a person who needs to steal bread. A person who has access to a feast might take a while to see that the person they called a friend or lover fought at them for taking the bread they really need. I will say that scripted reality, copying and television might make people see a horror story where there is major contribution to society and success. I know when to stop being "born" or "alive" and just sit and look and notice I am around because someone finds me attractive. There is no comprehension of "related" at the moment.or any interest in non-violence or being nice. I  am not responsible for having custom made dresses more than once as a child and a custom lifestyle in general, until I become aware and decide for myself. There is also this aura about me that knows how funny it is that I can conceptualize that I would have to have a really good explanation for "all the big homies" about why I am aiming to "sneak a forty ounce across state borders". Then turn around and possibly have to explain to someone how I came up with the idea in the first place. Allow me to mention that I am apart of a generation that has "red cups" that teach how much alcohol consumption is appropriate. I would never not teach and deny people of their "moonshine" when the proper amount for fun and fancy has been discovered. It is also knowing that if your college peers choose to address "belly fat" they must not be aware of the "freshman fifteen" of have done enough work to experience those side effects. More importantly growing to understand that the comments they make mean they have been exposed to their own or someone else's belittlement or treatment. Have you ever seen a group of people exposed to "spanx" and not realize this is a product a person who experienced a gymnastics injury would use because of trauma experienced by their body. There really are generations of people who would never know why people would start an argument about body size or shape. #JustLoveYourself. Some people are missing following rules that are essentially the same as begin quiet in the library or owning a pencil and notebook. I can pick up in my spirit that I have a list of complaints from people who are saying that they cannot watch me and my real life movement like they watch television. There are people who will also often report that certain people are not responding or addressing problems they can solve when the answer is because they are not able to notice them the way someone who watches television and picks up on everything from someone else's life does. I really am not interested in hearing stories about having been stalked by people who cannot afford their own food. Where they could have been being treated amazingly, they start fights and notice who or what does not actually exist for them. Better yet, imagine people who have taken on the role of a heckler because they cannot see that is what it is, or what the consequence looks like unless it appears in their face like a scripted scene or live viewing. There are generations of people dealing with that one film someone saw and now everything has shifted. I am also aware of the "down low" and do not cry when men and boys compete with me because of where they would participate in that lifestyle. No it would not be visible that I or others like me are VIP while we are living in our normal day to day life and walking to the corner store and spending money at the same time that you are excited to receive your paycheck. I also will not fail to listen to what I know are grandmothers and great grandmothers and community leaders of women and men. There are people who will challenge my behavior because they do not realize they have been whipped, beaten up and dismissed. Even worse that they have sat in a desk for twelve years and not actively learned anything. Sometimes I have to learn that they really do not understand and if they could fix their body they would be more than happy to exit the scene. There is a woman of standard who told me to go to the club, I know to focus on that! Now notice if you have made an error in your life, the decisions you have made are still visible. Allow me to address where there may be a mistake of someone meeting a requirement where they do not, all of what you have done will be permanent in the area that access was provided to. The person, place or thing you may have sought to destroy or speak against may be standing in all their correct, fancy and amazing glory. You will notice that you have been ignored, incorrect,and failing consistently and are being labeled as you are. There will also be the implant of your thoughts and desires. Some which may not focus on building relationships and communities rather gaining something idol. Notice when you no longer qualify for something because that is the very thing you have given up and worse yet showcased that you cannot comprehend that sentiment. I've learned to be my biggest investment and to define that for myself and by myself. I will decline being crushed into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive. This will be noticed the moment I open my two lips. 

 

 

 

Please reload

December 10, 2019

December 6, 2019