A Monologue: This Is Just the Girl I Am

December 4, 2019


I am realizing there is a serious problem developing with a generation of people who have been able to see songs sung in a music video. They often do not realize that they songs and emotions expressed are happening a persons personal time and the person in the music video is "acting" in the role of the person they would actually want to sing to. There are people attempting to track me down, often, so they can sing to me or express some undying emotion or apology that I wouldn't interact with them in regards to. Essentially instead of singing or writing about me in their journal, writers group or with their friends they are trying to put the actual person in it. The result is practically worse than stalking and causing the person to have to experience serious life issues. I am not the "actress" in the music video to sing to and I will not understand if the person cannot see that they are going to get a "I do not care" or "fought at". It is almost like dating someone and writing about it in a song they hear about later but instead you keep trying to come up to them with all the girls you cheated on them with and all the times they could have gotten cooties or killed because of it. The biggest problem is thinking there is going to be a makeup and they will get to leave or get back with the person. In my free time I am often expressing my feelings for a particular person and yes I would like to have them become exposed but that doesn't mean show up to their job in person with flannel pajamas when the location is designed for business casual for entry. There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, there is a problem in trying to dictate or force how the other person should respond. Yes, I am making jokes about my banner I want to hold up while making kissy faces at someone. However, after I finish what I am doing that does not mean I am going to hop on  a train and look for them, which is harassment. It is harassment even if the person likes you.Sometimes people do not know how to separate a  behavior or action from person hood.  A person might like you and not like harassment. Now in the case of reverse harassment, as in if a person reads the love notes you wrote about them in a journal you left in your underwear drawer and then responds to you about it-- then their may be some equivalence in nature or two people who like what other people who label as harassment. There are also people who can visualize a break up because of what they have seen in a music video or on television. The song and music video can showcase an entire lifetime in a matter of minutes. There are people chasing around people's "new" partner before the interaction can even occur because of something they have seen. This does not stop it from begin wrong, problematic, stalking or harassment. Even if you call it "fighting for love" or something. You may have failed to realize that, that is the crazy thing the other person is doing in the video or television/movie you have seen. Especially because of some attractive material or setting that you can see. You ever get annoyed in general by people who just never pay attention to what they should be doing. Imagine being a shopper who makes purchases at a store frequently and someone notices a purse in your cart that it seems like you aren't paying for; as in the purse you walked in with because you previous purchased it at that same location that you are always including in your shopping route. This all goes along with noticing a "target" based on something that a person has visually seen. I would encourage people to learn to put certain behaviors or things they would participate in where they are "pretty" or "loved". People are seemingly attacking at "pretty" and "loved" and essentially a dainty person with nothing but love to give is attacked by people behaving like wild animals and would even be at a deficit with the strongest of self defense. There are people watching things on television and just going around pointing out EVERYTHING for no reason, they cannot see how irritating they are or how much danger they are putting themselves in. These are people who actually cannot afford to even go to a theater to even see the interaction. They often fail to learn from the person they would want to be like and attack or try to compete with them because they can see that is the person from what they can identify on the screen. It is like someone challenging you to a freestyle battle and then flaking after committing in every way possible. And no, I am not aware that people do not know what computer literacy or technological fluency is. I will also laugh if you fail to see how much you have lost if you did not pick up a pencil and write your paper if you do not know what it means to type it. I'm like who missed the lesson on government infiltration, concentration camps, evolution, guerrilla warfare, why do people keep going to the adult that already has outlined that the answer is ultimate death and annihilation? How am I negative for knowing this? I also would advise people to realize some of the attacks they out on me are actually attacking the school system or government and they ware going to be in big trouble or something. As in if I am an amazing blah blah blah, it isn't my fault if someone is challenging me on that. The challenge essentially going to go to their teachers and mentors for them not recognizing certain patterns and lessons that have been taught in the same way they can recognize the A, the B and the C. The school system and the government is then going to notice that all of what was outlined in the curriculum was completed and the person will most likely agree. This means that the problem you have with me, has something to do with your reading skills and ability to learn. That also means you should stop stereotyping my shoes and also bringing the one pair you have around me because we match for a particular day. I'm like when is the attack over about my black Air Force Ones with the white Nike Sign. As in my black and white Air Forces. Or my orange ones, my turquoise ones, all those "insults" make no sense to me. And by the time people come back around to tell the "joke" I have died from all the bacteria and germs on their one white pair that is now slightly black and blue. In matters like this I reflect on times with one of my besties and remember to just put on lip gloss. Lip gloss is always the answer. I also know to put on my keratin hair conditioner and overnight it. Can I roll my eyes about the lengths people go to from having a idea from watching something to win something that is so far fetched. Some of what people are doing is like the same as being dark brown and trying to make themselves born with peach skin. As in the "born" part. The fatal, the impossible, the part where you realize they missed all the school trips and money for ice cream or they would shift their focus. Some people do not even know where the attacks are coming from and then people say I talk to much when I share. I would prefer to spend time with my man and drink barefoot wine, but somewhere in never never land is a person who launched an attack before I could even see it. I guess whatever disappears is positive. As in removing all the things that occur before "black people could vote". Why yes I would love to stay out of that! And all the things that happen before you could send messages at the speed of light and send a wink to a million people all at once. I'm like totally giving up wanting to hang out with my guy in a speedo at the beach so that we can just go to a nude beach or join a nudist colony. I really am encouraging a generation of people to see where they miss. As in when all my plans come to fruition, no I do not whine or not have enough to ship off my packages. There are gazillions of people with beautiful packages and ideas all scrounging around or not knowing how to explain that they did not plan for $100 to ship the packages to where they go to. These are the same people making fun of me on leggings and head-wrap day. As in no I do not have one hundred dollars worth of items and things that will essentially be of no use. What I do have is all my packages shipped and delivered! This is a metaphor that can be translated and used in many ways. I'm also not brainwashed into giving up that "wedding dress" that someones mom would sew together for you. I'm really noticing the fact that people totally miss out on hearing the verbiage "it's the thought that counts". I also totally need people to see something! It's that thing when people want to jump into a fight or argument as in "don't be arguing with my mother". And the person fails to see that the argument is not with "their mother", it is with the person that happens to be their mother. As in the person who had a life and a attitude or personality before you even existed. I dislike when people think I will be hurt by something that will actually just make me mad. I even crack up about discussions that involve me and my biologically parents or something. I am in their life, regardless of if I am their offspring. I often get attacked by kids who get confused and cannot see that their "parent" isn't interacting with them or in that particular way. Imagine having a goal or participating on something and knowing for a fact that your mom wouldn't care if your smoked weed, cursed, and slept with somebodies man. Meanwhile your trying to maintain your naturally wholesome behavior, that can include somethings people deem problematic because they do not understand context. I live like a person who can see an awesome school faculty member who does a writers group walk outside to smoke a cigarette. I am not in that state on confusion. I once had to throw an entire party out of the window because of other people's confusion. The laughter that should occur however, can save billions on health insure (switch to my co). Okay so wait seeing things on television also sparks interruptions that do not even need to exist. As in, you see two people who look interested and then you block off every opportunity for them to speak to each other alone and the question would always be WHY? The answer is because you can see what will happen from something you watched and cannot realize to just get "dumped". Well all those beautiful babies that never make it will be saved from running the earth in fear of Armageddon instead of just getting their hair greased and braided gently. Had I known people would be so crazy I would have just asked for someone's number and then face time and all that stuff would be of interest to me. I might even have been a billion dollar spender on candy crush. And no I am not addicted to coffee, the same way I am not addicted to wearing stockings. There is a book in my face right now called "Satan Is Real". And there is a girl who doesn't realize that she started a fight with me and reported that I would not let her set me up for what would be a assault. She can see me and I guess finds em beautiful and is trying to make me her girlfriend. And from what can be seen, is trying to do it like the television, movie or music video would. She started looking for me in a way that removed other people from the space and I can tell was trying to get me to be someone who would hang out and lay on her bed, which is fine. However, she was trying to get me in that "position" to initiate a girlfriend like situation. The sad part is the person cannot see what they are saying to everyone and I end up being a person who has to be monitored with my amazing friendship scenarios because of that underlying fact that no one would be able to see or conceptualize if it actually wasn't that hard to even get to "friend" with me. I am also not interested in listening to stories about how people do not know what braces are and make fun of people who have them. I once had them, I was totally not having a problem with my smile. This had something to do with what other people are aware of and sometimes you just have to go with the flow, like knowing to have on rain-boots instead of sneakers. I am terrified by people who cannot see that access to Law and Order are making girls want to commit "murder" in arguments and arrangements about who looks better because they can see that as something that can occur. They want to have to fight as hard as the prettier girl for lip gloss. My problem is when the people will want to make adjustments or start the conversation with the "pretty girls" because they cannot see what the attack is or where it is coming from. Pretty Girls United are going to end up in jails and caskets instead of in beds wearing thongs. There seems to be a group forming called "Ugly Girls Anonymous". And because they are having access to copying actresses on screens and wearing make up they really are becoming anonymous. That is the scariest part of all! (jumps in the hair one foot at a time and squirms face). The girls are copying the patterns and behaviors and facial mechanics of pretty girls, excited girls, well kept girls. spoiled girls and maintaining the look, even when they have essentially rotted away. Some of them would even want to hit at girls like me with a bat but are having pretty girl mechanics. They sometimes stick around long enough to try to really start the problem. I'm often like why am I in an argument with girls wearing bronzer when I barely am putting lotion on my shiny vibrant face that has the same appearance. And yes I do support "no make up" and Alicia Keys. That does not mean I am going to throw myself off my own schedule where I am interested in playing with make-up after clearly having showcased that I support living and loving yourself without any one. I realize now that I am not always being fully supported where I should be. Guys with television eyes are giving support to the girls with bronzer and some of the girls are attacking at my clear shiny skin as if I have some on when I do not. There are people looking to collect my private information to fight for a spot they would never, ever get in a million years. I think they should close out their investigation and notice that telling something that I am "deep in the blue" is going to cause a problem for them that they would not want. The position they are looking for, I'm not in it. So they are just moving around like perverts looking for pennies. Yes there still is a man I'm trying to kiss all over but I won't be wearing my MVP jersey. I'm still aiming for something sheer!




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