A Soliloquy: Scarf, Coat, Coffee and Remembering to Write This Journal Belongs To and My Name

November 13, 2019


I will start this by mentioning that today I am wearing a Coach scarf that my grandmother gave me. I am happy to be able to ignore commentary that people have about my normal clothing and items that my family purchase for me.  There is also this funny thing people do when they do not realize that different people have different behaviors and demeanor. There is a ghostly situation appearing in my life in regards to someone practicing illiterate behavior to look cool, still wondering and convincing others to go along with them wondering why I do not respond to this person in an illiterate manner. These same people get confused when my student loans are used for my education because they cannot see that I also have funds from people who love to hire me and send me around as a conference presenter. There are also people who do not realize that anyone who would pay for a person’s opinion, expert level knowledge or appearance could care less if the person is being “dead bugged” by people who would be able to get this information for free in conversation or people who will know be excluded from the budget people have for this person to speak to them and teach them things that will change their life in a matter of seconds. Like how to be quiet. This person is fine.


As I sit here and prepare to share my thoughts I am going to write about something I call “The Invisible Podium”. To me, this “Invisible Podium”, is silent and critical. It’s that conversation you didn’t know someone had about you with their co-worker about how you didn’t make your bed this morning and gave a presentation about organizing and keeping tidy. I made a list of things that I believe cause people to be argumentative in regards to not always understanding the levels to “expert” identity. Here is my personal list of expert level differentials:


“School opens at 8:50am”

“There are 26 letters in the alphabet”

“(Fill in the blank) will cause you to fail an admissions test.”

“Louis Vuitton is designer.”

“XYZ will make civilians commit to military action.”

“The Super Bowl happens on a Sunday.”

Make your bed.



I am now thinking of times in our life where there should be no negotiations. Some of this is where we present our best work or reflect a larger body of people or another person when we speak or enter into the public. Most of the time our lifestyle presentation should never change from our x+y=z. Sometimes after we have learned to see the formula in xy+y-x/y=z, we fail to realize that those other components are for a later time, location, group of people or discussion. Your x+y=z is most likely all that should continuously be presented. Many people do not notice when they start speaking in the xy+z-x/y=z in certain spaces they are alerting people of a weakness that exist or that they do not belong. This is especially when the Z in the answer is simply “the price went up”. I laugh at myself knowing I have a hard time when I interact with people who to do not realize that I say pedagogy and cultural competence because of something they saw me break down as a participant in a workshop or meeting.  


I started thinking about lifestyle excretory systems. I think about people with access to professional office spaces and asked a question, “what are your filing cabinet toxins?” The way you have seen filing cabinets organized by others might be causing you to do toxic storing. I am coming up with ways to discuss “Professional Constipation”.  I believe there is something about advertisements that make people comment on a thirty year old mom that is healthy with high self-esteem knowing how to invest and make choices of a mom. Yes, perfume and Louis Vuitton goes with Bingo night at a child’s school. There is also nothing wrong with playing around with the oil that has collagen. I’m sure people making comments about this do not know that the age for starting marrying and children was once 9-12, a 20 year old could marry a 9 year old and that people only expected to live to about 23. Yes, if you made it, you should probably buy a robe and be more quiet. I am working on eating some fiber one. I can also notice the behaviors of people who behave as if they have wandered into literate society. They showcase little to no knowledge or purpose and disregard socializing, the arts, education and culture.




I have this belief that there are people who have watched television and listened to music who have romanticized and sensationalized sexual assault and rape that has occurred to them. They also often point out or give commentary about what is healthy contact. They dismiss it. Seeing dates on television or watching Law & Order in a way that makes you think the assailant will leave you bloody and gory make some people not realize an occurrence. They also might not realize that they actively participated which is why these things never came about. I think assaults of women on college campuses, which I have heard statistics about being on the rise, can be caused by young women thinking they know the guy from class or the dude from the second floor in their dorm room or even a resident advisers and so they let them in and act out relational sexual advances if the person turns into a perpetrator. The “victim” might think they are going to be in a relationship or may have heard about one night stands or sleeping with people on the first night so forth and so forth. The saddest part is when actual perpetrators turn themselves in because of an experience they have had with what seems to be an awkward willing participation. There really might be break-ups and romantic comedy scripts in their psyche. There also might be confusion about when in something “comedic” an actual attempt at an assault is occurring. I also have lived to learn that there are people who have no other language to describe sexual interactions other than using the word rape and they make everyone who has had a baby raped and “no one” knows why they are doing this. They may confuse the word or experience. Or they may have been taught about “rape” and keep trying to make it into the “good” thing because of something they watched on a screen. There are people fighting for their lives and reputations because of these societal errors. I will also mention here about learning errors. Say you have had experience as something that has been like a resident adviser. You should have a skill of knowing how to organize people who are in a location and providing an activity. This can mean knowing the rules of a space and utilizing it. This can mean knowing how to organize game night with who is in "your house" and knowing alcoholic beverages are fine to have unless the head of household says no, or knowing how to host an event at a night club and making sure the proper decor, lighting, theme or activity is in place. As in, should there be karaoke? Most likely is the answer. 




I imagine how many times traffic, car jams, and street lights have stopped me from being kidnapped or stalked noticeably because I am walking or at a bus stop. There should be something scary about a car that circles the block and pulls up to you. There is also this thing people do not realize they do, when they know you or about you and plop themselves into that part of your life.  As, in no I didn’t know all the kids I went to summer camp with nor was I apart of the discussions about me when groups of “other” people hung out. No, I do not know I will meet people in my twenties who are speaking to the cool girl with the Barbie Jeep, when I am being a scholar who wants her flash drive.


Allow me to mention here that it is actually very important to use primer on your face before you put on foundation. This also made me think that hair grease, oil, or pomade should be used the night before or morning of using hair gel. I am a major fan of using mayonnaise to help with hair health.  

I had a talk about my “winning mindset” that made me wonder if someone would be able to understand the thought process. I said imagine playing a game of spades and you are down to three cards, the king of spades, the queen of spades and the two of diamonds. It’s knowing that you are going to win the last three books and playing the game like a athlete would still have to play “ball” if there was one minute left on the shot clock and the winning team is up by eleven points. Someone might want to mention in conversation that the Ace of spades can beat the King and the Queen. Someone who doesn’t know how to play well or just hopped into the game without the rules might think that the two of diamonds isn’t the highest card. The person who knows they are going to win the last three books with the Queen, King and two of diamonds payed attention during the game and knows (a) the dude that only had one spade already used that card or didn’t pay attention and already threw the card out. Either way, if you know that the Ace of spades was already used in the game, it will be obvious to any player who knows the rules that if they have the Queen, King, and two of diamonds that they are going to win. There are plenty of reasons not to throw them out all at the same time. Especially to see the goofy look on the face of whoever thought they were about to get a book.



 There is natural, there is learned, there is practiced, there is skill development and there is an intersection of all of what has been mentioned. I read something that resonated with me in regards to there being no need to make welcoming of new ideas, however, you might miss out on a once in a lifetime opportunity. I made a comment in my journal about knowing when washing and drying the dishes properly can put you in the same competition as the bank teller who dispenses and counts money properly and the future bride who knows her gown budget is $4,000 and not $3,500-4,000. There are people who do not realise that they can win a competition by knowing that something is called pepper jack cheese and not "the cheese with the spices". There is something magical about knowing that with everything I do, with every solution I use and find, with every breath I take, with every story I tell, with everything I write, somewhere there is "dust" that I just gave an entire life to. 


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