A Soliloquy: Imagine That; What Happens When A "Hard Knock Life" Comes With Pretty Clothes.

October 21, 2019

 

There are people who assume that my life is a kind of perfect that they can’t understand and then they pose in the “hard knock”. My life is the perfect that comes from doing a good job on things and simultaneously living through the hard knocks. It is funny because when some of them see the real life experiences they get confused. I have men in my life who were clearly here before “us” who understand vehicles as something to do with employment. Some people grow up thinking it is something else. They often neglect the stories and messages coming from people who are actually pouring into their life. There are people who actually do not notice their lived experience who even challenge people who understand me as inspirational or want to know why I do not just sit in in an office—when I can. I have a little mini me that someone probably wouldn’t notice that I keep in my life—like tucked in my inside coat pocket. Her mom is my friend who misunderstands my “hard knock life”. I can see where little bit has a life like mine. Let me be honest, as I always am. The way I choose to create my program is like a person who knows that one of her “uncles” got killed on the corner near where she lives and other stories that people may have seen for the cost of a home, electricity, a television, installation and then a special order for HBO. I can understand natural life responses, anger, survival tactics and the attempts that come from young girls who have lived their “hard knocks”. I come out the jungle as a person who can read and write beyond proficiency. I came to tell all my little bits, the ones who have never seen America’s Most Wanted, watched preliminary court sessions and life sentencing, or seen scenes from movies that show juvie and that scene where you get trapped up into sex work by the case worker who thinks you are attractive. I had a friend want to cry to me—I spoke from my heart and showed her everything I lived through and she noticed the only thing that ever happened to her was a fight and a chance to be a special guest at parties. Everything I do is for all the girls who live a “hard knock” something like mine—who literally never got to see America’s Most Wanted. Some of what people are encouraging them to do is fist fight while they are a part of a group of people waiting to see if they are the winner of Next Top Model. There is nothing bad about not swinging in those situations—even if the person deserves it. There are little girls who are living “hard knocks”, there is nothing wrong with a preliminary session lesson. If there was ever a movie or music video of my life it would literally see me walking through gun fire to hand a little girl a portfolio that is an autobiography that all my teachers, mentors and family members have helped create for me. I would hand it write to her at the moment she is getting ready to do the craziest thing ever and then I would never make her think that I am not going to continue my journey even if there are gunshots. She will always know if she has money in her hand, that the bread isn't free. Pardon me, some people cannot understand what a "hard knock" in fancy clothes and a smile regardless because I did well on my spelling test and still know to impress my big cousins from near and afar about how I did really well in the "cry baby" contest. And yes I will warn them about the girls walking by them because they want a chance to be in a music video. They think it's weird when I say #TakeTheTeddyBear and get jealous when there is someone who is happy that it is to that and sends the same love by never being the one that would give it to you. 

 

 

 

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