A Soliloquy: Trouble In My Way. #Tears

September 18, 2019


Today as I dropped my son off to school I laughed as he ran to the door and made sure he got to walk in by himself. He waved me off and made sure I didn’t walk him inside like he was a fetus hanging out inside of my womb. It made me think about the school system and what life is like living through a school day. I reflect on all the times I have gotten in some sort of trouble. Imagine a family of people aiming to do what they do in life and still have to spread out resources to meet the needs of a school day. My mom’s daughter—me—gets $200 Airmax boots for the winter, name chains, name earrings and only doesn’t go to the hair salon every two weeks because of what could be defined as extra-curricular activities according to the school day. I can tell now as an adult that my mom got frustrated by the school day announcements and complaints. She also isn’t paying attention to the version of me that gets my own money and buys jeans from Rainbow because I like the gold sequins in the shape of a butterfly on the booty part. I also do not ask for things. I can also notice that my mom would probably fry fish and we would go out to eat more often but there are probably restrictions for kids who play sports. Corner store sandwich kids can be quite annoying to families who would eat at restaurants if playing sports wasn’t the “cool kid” thing to do during the school day. All my items are given or purchased on my own. I am paying attention to my own habits and behaviors around my son. It can also make conflicts that wouldn’t occur or are avoidable show up in the most irritating of spaces. It probably is also annoying to a mom to know she has a child who is metaphorically practicing things like meditating in a corner in all white (#standingatthejudgement) and things from the school day do not allow other children to realize that this peaceful person would most likely fight them to the death if disturb for lack of understanding. These may sound like things I am making up but I know for certain they are not. It is hilarious to get treated oddly by a family member who supports you otherwise because you have a habit of a stinky kid coming from the school day and no they do not want to deal with the kid with their own money that has extra energy from buying cheese doodles and sour power straws or pizza in her sparkly jeans from Rainbow. I laughed very hard today thinking about all the times I have used my smarts coupled with education in my life and been argued with by people who do not understand the purpose of schooling. There are people who are not making the smart decisions to get the one pair of cool sneakers and then snow boots from Payless and then want to include me in that group. These decisions impact people over a lifetime. I learn in many ways. In know laugh wearing my Pink Victoria Sweats and run from people who would want me to notice that the sweats are gray. I’m really learning to laugh more and heal all the damages to my life from having to wake up in the morning on someone else’s schedule  #TheBigSnooze. I most likely look like the master of disguise as I perfect the cardigan and pointed toe flats while having the attitude of a kid who grew up shopping at Limited Two and didn’t get popped for losing barrettes or one who if there was no other outfit to wear in the world would have in the $200 Airmax boots and name chains/earrings that get lost and repurchased.  So today I am learning to say NO, I can’t understand have the time what people are concerned about. I have a few people I love dearly that I grew up around who suffer and may not realize it. They are getting clowned by their families in some of the most essential spots and getting up to do things or go with people who should be a side thing. I would encourage people to discover and even ask their parent/guardian what item that they have given to them from their wardrobe that signals an expectation. I would take a guess that one of these people should be living like #BeefAndBroccoli (Timberland's) and one of them should be living like #DoorKnockers (Large Golden Hoops). Today I will practice mediating with some Jojoba Oil and whatever #AirMaxBoots I can find. The irony is that most people would think those boots look weird if they didn't understand name brands. I am also going to practicing using curl enhancing custard daily so it can show that this item needs to be apart of my lifestyle and routine and maybe some will magically appear! It is actually hard to interact without the school day because some of the changes people experience can seem abrupt and some of their commentary would make them hide from the person someone actually is. I love to have my natural hair and barely wear makeup but in a free time zone I may show up as a girl who wants a quick weave, larger name plates and is still aiming to figure out when it will be safe to walk around society in tank top with no bra. I also have major plans of visiting a nude beach/nudist colony. #LifeGoals. I once presented for a Writing Our Lives Conference at Fairfield University and think of how being free from a school day makes people want to think that they time they heard me say a curse word makes them better for that type of thing. It's funnier than people can imagine. Writing and telling a story is apart of education. Some people are failing to use knowledge and information. I left a bowl in the sink last night so someone wouldn't ask me if I ate. Those things are smart to do. Enough "talk" for the day-- I'm going to the laundry mat and use my cream laundry bag that has a strap so it can be used as a backpack and states "Wash, Dry, Fold, Repeat" and I know to have on my Nike Flip Flops instead of my sparkly BeBe ones to avoid misinterpretation. #TheMiseducationOfYouAreSomeonesChildFirst And as soon as someone doesn't get thier way-- they make sure to state that material items are not important and I'm like "that's what I have already stated."



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